Best Fit For Hedonism

When it comes to sexuality and relationships, I tend to indulge carnal pleasure than to attempt to seek lasting companionship with any one person. This is largely due to the fact that love and close friendships are extremely difficult for me to come by because of my highly eccentric, abnormal, and at times very abrasive personality.

For as long as I can remember the scenario has always played out the same way. When I was still very young I used to try and make friends and would occasionally find just ONE person to be my "best friend" every school year; usually another social outcast or weirdo like me, but that friend would always move away or go on to make friends with other kids who were either more popular or less oddball than me, and I'd be left alone again (it didn't help any either that my crazy abusive father would always chase away the few really close friends I did make). Over time my weird awkwardness grew into its present blend of mania, depression, and psychopathy, and now I'm an eccentric schizophrenic with multiple personalities who is deeply rooted in the Occult...not exactly what most people are looking for in a life partner.

I am haunted by ghostly apparitions and memories of a past life that stalk the dark recesses of my mind, and many of these phantasmal phantoms (five major ones at least) are also alternate personalities which are constantly battling each other for control and rise to the surface of my waking consciousness whenever my mood shifts. Every time my mood and emotional state changes another personality takes control and my behavior alters accordingly. This makes extended periods of time in my presence difficult, because the person or people in my presence find themselves dazed and confused when my demeanor suddenly changes drastically from what it was prior to my mood shift. For example, one moment I could be very affectionate and pleasant only to become cold, cynical, and harsh a moment later after something stimulates an emotional change. If you stop to think about it, living with a person who's personality shifts like that would be extremely confusing and frustrating, and would eventually start to take its toil on your own psyche resulting in the deterioration of your sanity. Being in a committed relationship with me would be like being in a relationship with five different people, all of whom are escapees from a mental institution. Living with me would be like living in a haunted house haunted by insane, restless spirits who are never at peace.

It is for this reason that I'm mostly a reclusive introvert and when it comes to sexual relationships, it's mainly just about appealing to carnal desire, for I am fairly convinced that there is not a person alive on this Earth who could tolerate being locked in such a toxic relationship with a creature straight-out of a horror movie. I do still keep my eyes open and wait for what I call "the Yin to my Yang", but I don't hold my breath on finding such a person, for finding someone as unique and eccentric as I who could not only tolerate my oddball hellish personality, but balance it out too would be like finding a golden needle in a flaming haystack.