Meet General Warfare and Sergeant Propaganda

Introducing General Warfare and Sergeant Propaganda

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with immense displeasure that I introduce to you today two of Goonsburg's worst, General Warfare and Sergeant Propaganda!

General Warfare is a crazed military crackpot who was dishonorably discharged from the rank of general in the US Armed Forces for excessive violence, ludicrous orders, and extreme personal paranoia; in short the dude was nuts so they booted him out. He would often be heard to bark orders like, "KILL! MURDER! MAIM! RAPE!! SLAUGHTER THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST AND MAKE THE MEN WATCH!!!" (see what I mean about him being nuts) General Warfare believes that anybody who doesn't support in his view of a completely militaristic world where the bigger tanks make the laws is the enemy (this would be virtually everyone), and so he has declared war on everyone everywhere in order to make the world safer for his insane paranoid psyche. General Warfare seems to always get his hands on weapons of war and mass destruction (often through either Milton Moneybags or Dr. Deranged who see him as a medium of which to work their own ill wills), and with these weapons he launches extreme terrorist attacks on the general populace until the 5some arrive to put a stop to his insanity. Fortunately, once he's been disarmed he's just a perfectly harmless crazy little old fat man from Texas. Even though you'd think General Warfare would be put away in a mental institution for keeps, he always manages to get out because of his shrewd, conniving nephew, Sergeant Propaganda.

Sergeant Propaganda is a tall and handsome-looking man who is General Warfare's suave and wily nephew. He has such a way with words until he can persuade and convince virtually anyone to do anything he wants; it's almost like he can hypnotize people just by merely talking. He will use every manipulative tactic in the propaganda handbook to get people to do his bidding like extortion, blackmail, prejudice, seduction, bribery, and of course good ol' fashion lying. It is with this wistful wordplay that he is able to both bust his crazy uncle out of all the asylums he's placed in, and acquire whatever materials he and his uncle need for their next terrorist attack. He is so artful and so crafty until he can put even Pyro and Jamal under his spell; confusing them and leaving them dumbfounded as to their original task of stopping him and his uncle. Ma-Caw, Whiskers, and Jake though are completely immune to his symphony of persuasive wordplay; due too Jake being too wise and honest, Whiskers being too smart and stubborn, and Ma-Caw being too crazy. Even though the 5some often manage to defeat and capture the both of them with relative ease; Sergeant Propaganda always gets off Scott-free because of his manipulative talents; returning later to free his uncle at his leisure. Unlike his uncle, who never backs down from a fight (even against a 20-foot tall fire-breathing dragon), Sergeant Propaganda is basically a coward and refuses to resort to physical violence unless he is certain he can win or feels he has the upperhand.

These two are the literal (and symbolic) enemies of peace! The foes of freedom! And the true terrorists of the free world! They are General Warfare and Sergeant Propaganda!