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Shanghai Afternoon

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Literature Text

Shanghai Afternoon

Written By Salim Al-Mumin


Synopsis

Jamal and Whiskers find themselves shanghaied by a nutty pirate captain and his insane-in-the-membrane bird-brained sidekick.


    Late on a foggy evening, an old grim-looking ship with torn sails pulls into an English harbor. High up upon the mast, a tattered Pirate flag waves in the wind. Then down below on-board this gruesome galleon a horrid bearded old pirate captain with a peg leg emerges from the ship's cabin. The captain blows his whistle and shouts,

Captain Shanghai: “All Men On Deck!"

There is dead silence as the captain looks around to see no one answering his call.

Captain Shanghai: "I Said All Men On Deck, You Scurvy Dogs!!"

This time a green and yellow parrot flies up from the lower deck and lands on the captain's shoulder. He gives a salute and says,

Ma-Caw: “Aye-aye, Captain!”

Captain Shanghai: “Where’s The Rest Of Me Crew?!” [He says throwing up his arms tossing the bird off his shoulder]

The parrot flies back up on his shoulder and answers,

Ma-Caw:
“Walked the plank!” [the parrot demonstrates by walking off the captain’s shoulder and then splashing him with a glass of water] “Ha! Ha! Ha! Haw!!”

The captain (not amused or phased) grabs the parrot and shouts,

Captain Shanghai:
“Well then, I’ll just have to get me a new crew; for we’re sailing with the tides or I’m not Captain Shanghai!”

Ma-Caw: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Haw!!!"

The next day, we find one of our story's two protagonists, Jamal S. Jackson, walking along the harbor with his face stuck in a map,

Jamal: “Let’s see here, according to this thing, the English Channel Tour Boat should be around here some place."

Jamal looks around, but quickly becomes frustrated when he doesn't see what he's looking for.

Jamal: "Sheesh! These darn maps are so confusing! I’m never going to find that damn boat!”

Meanwhile, up above Jamal's head, sits Captain Shanghai's parrot perched upon a sign. He smiles a devious smile and flies down out of sight. A few moments later, Jamal is still walking along with his face in the map when suddenly the sound of hammering, sawing, and drilling fills the air. Jamal looks up to see what all the commotion is about, and sees a series of signs which read,

This Way to Tour Boat!
Once in a Lifetime Opportunity!
See the Sights of the English Channel!

Jamal looks to the audience and says,

Jamal: “Ha! Knew I was going to find it.”

And with that, Jamal starts following the signs to the boat.
    Meanwhile, in an alley across the way, a shabby yellow cat crawls out looking mangy and famished. He reaches down into his throat and pulls out a dipstick. He reads the measurement on the dipstick which reads, Bone Dry. The cat shoves the metal rod back down his throat and leans against the wall. He looks so weak until it almost appears that he may faint from malnutrition. He walks over and lifts the lid off a nearby trash can and begins rummaging through it, but soon a strange aroma creeps in and catches his attention. He becomes hypnotized by the scent and begins following it like a sleepwalker toward the pirate ship. On the galleon, Jamal walks aboard and calls out,

Jamal: “Hello! Is anybody home?!”

Captain Shanghai storms out of his cabin and snarls,

Captain Shanghai:
“What do you want?!”

Jamal: “Yeah, is this the English Channel Tour Boat?”

Captain Shanghai:
“This ain’t no…"

Captain Shanghai's parrot flies in and starts whispering in his ear. Gradually, the captain’s expression turns from uninviting to pleasant, after which he walks up to Jamal and says,

Captain Shanghai: "Why, sure me, boyo! This be the tour boat and you’re just in time ‘cause we’re about to be shove off!”

Jamal takes a moment to look around the ship, then he looks at his brochure, and finally says,

Jamal: “Hmm, not quite like the brochure described.”

The captain tries to stifle Jamal’s suspicions and replies,

Captain Shanghai: “Yes well, we’re trying a more old-fashion theme this season.”

Jamal: “Say, where’s all the other tourists?” [Jamal asks still highly skeptical]

Captain Shanghai stumbles about trying to cook up a lie and then answers,

Captain Shanghai: “Uh, business has been kinda slow lately.”

It's at that moment that the shabby yellow alleycat from the alley across the way follows the aroma onto the deck of the ship walking towards Captain Shanghai's parrot who he starts to sniff. The parrot looks at the audience with a puzzled look and starts smelling under his wing. Immediately, he pulls his face away in disgust. Reaching behind his back, he pulls out a stick of deodorant and tosses it overboard.
    The cat licks his chops and prepares to lunge at the bird, but the captain grabs him by the back of the neck and pulls the cat over to him and Jamal upon which he says,

Captain Shanghai:
“Well, lookie here! Another sap…er passenger. Okay, everybody we’ll be shovin’ off now. [he says pushing Jamal and the cat out of sight] Cast off, Mr. Squawk!”

The parrot flies over to the wheel, the sails of the ship drop, and they start to pull out of the harbor. Jamal and the cat look over the railing and wave to their Bon Voyage Party; which consists of nothing more than a few seagulls perched on the dock. One of them is playing a grim melody on a violin. Jamal turns to the cat and says,

Jamal: “Not really the send-off I was expecting.”

The ship sails off from the harbor into the sea until it has disappeared over the horizon. After the ship has reached deep water, we tune back in on Jamal and cat leaning against the railing. Jamal’s suspicions are really starting to boiling over now.

Jamal: “I just don’t know. I keep getting that feeling like there’s something not quite right here...but I just can’t put my finger on it.

In the midst of Jamal's monologue, we see the cat has become terribly seasick; his face has turned green and he’s humped over the rail ready to cough up his lunch at any moment. In spite of this, Jamal goes on to say,

Jamal: "Ah, maybe I’m just paranoid.”  

Suddenly, Captain Shanghai steps in front of them and bellows,

Captain Shanghai:
“Alright, you worthless bildrats! No more slacking off! Get to work!”

Jamal stares with a cocked eyebrow at the salty sea captain while the cat continues to try and hold down his lunch.

Jamal: “Excuse me?”

The captain's parrot flies in and zips around and around Jamal and the cat obscuring them within a whirlwind of colors. When the bird finally lands on the captain’s shoulder, Jamal and cat are dressed in pirate clothes. The captain and his parrot point to a couple of mops and a bucket and the captain shouts,

Captain Shanghai:
“You two be a swabbin’ the deck!”

Jamal folds his arms in front of him and defiantly declares,

Jamal: “I don’t think so, pal! I ain’t swabbin’ no deck!”

The captain gets up in Jamal's face and growls,

Captain Shanghai: “You be swabbin’ the deck or else, matey!”

Jamal gets back in the captain's face and asks with a rebellious squint,

Jamal: “Or else what?”

The captain loses his patience and pulls out his pistol. He points it right in Jamal’s face. Jamal's eyes bugle out of his head staring down the barrel of the gun, and with a streak of colors Jamal starts busily mopping while the cat scrubs the deck with a brush.

Jamal: “Aye-aye captain! You don’t have to tell me twice! If the deck needs swabbin’ I’ll swab it for ya! I’ll wash it and wax it and give it a new coat of paint too!” [Jamal rabbles gradually mopping away from the captain and his gun]

Captain Shanghai: “That’s more like it, ya swab!”

The captain walks past Jamal and the cat leaving dirty footprints as he passes. Once he's out of sight, Jamal sticks out his tongue and gives him a raspberry, but the captain stretches his arm over and clunks him on the head with a club prompting Jamal to start swabbing again. The parrot then flies over and says,

Ma-Caw: “You heard the captain, you swabs! Swab that deck! Put some muscle into it, you bildrats!”

The parrot lands in front of the cat and says,

Ma-Caw: “Hey, Fuzzy! You missed a spot!” [after which he pulls out a fountain pen and squirts the cat in the face] “Ha! Ha! Ha! Haw!!”

The cat sits there blinking for a couple of minutes before he rapidly becomes enraged. The cat lets out a fierce hiss and lunges at the bird, but the parrot flies up in the air dodging the attack. The parrot starts to fly off laughing, but the cat stretches his arm up and snatches him out of the air. With the bird in hand, the cat immediately stuffs the pest into his mouth, and then smiles with satisfaction. However the captain's parrot proves to be a tricky one. He sticks his hand out of the cat's mouth holding one of his own feathers and proceeds to tickle the cat’s nose. The cat wheezes and gags before letting out with a powerful sneeze.

Whiskers: “ACHOOO!”

The sneeze shoots the parrot out of the cat's mouth while simultaneously hurling the cat back into his own bucket. The parrot flies off laugh once more. This really infuriates the cat, and he chases after the bird all around the deck of the ship. Before long the parrot flies past the captain, who is standing by the railing peering off into the distance through a telescope. The cat accidentally knocks the captain overboard in hot pursuit of the bird.
 
Captain Shanghai: “AUUGGHHHHH!”

Of course the cat doesn’t seem to care and does not stop chasing the parrot; that is until the captain jumps back on deck right in front of him and shouts,

Captain Shanghai: “Why, Ye Mutinous Dog!”

Whiskers: “Who the Hell are you callin' a DOG, Sparrow?!” [the cat snaps]

Captain Shanghai: “I’ll skin you alive and use your hide polish me sword!” [the captain says drawing his cutlass]

He swings at the cat, but the feline ducks and then jumps up out of the way before darting off. The captain chases after the pussycat still swinging his sword while shouting,

Captain Shanghai: “Get Back Here, You Bucked Barnacle!”

Jamal hears the commotion and decides to help the cat out. As the cat darts past, Jamal throws down a bar of soap upon which the captain slips and falls on his belly with the soap between him and the deck of the ship. The soap causes the captain to slide along the deck until he crashes and gets his head stuck in a bucket.

Captain Shanghai: “WHOA! WHAAUGGH!”

The captain stumbles around frantically trying to pull the bucket off his head. That's when Jamal darts over with mop in hand and shouts,

Jamal: “Don’t worry, Cap! I’ll get it off for ya!”

Jamal raises his mop to strike the bucket and break it to pieces, but the captain finally manages to yank the bucket off himself; after which Jamal brings down the mop and clocks the captain hard upon the crown of his noggin. The captain sits there on the deck of the ship with a dazed stupid look on his face as stars fly around his head. Jamal smirks and sarcastically says,

Jamal: “Oops! My bad!”

The captain comes to shaking his head back and forth before bounding back to his feet. He points his finger at Jamal and the cat,

Captain Shanghai: “You two…”

Before Shanghai can finish his sentence, Jamal and cat zip away. Angrily, the captain shakes his fist at them and yells,

Captain Shanghai: “Come Back Here, You Slimey Sea Slugs!”

The captain takes a step to chase after them, but he slips on the soap again which causes him to flip through the air and land head-first into the same bucket getting his head stuck once more.
    A little while later, we find Jamal and the cat sneakily tip-toeing to one of the ship's lifeboats, but before they can make their escape the captain cuts them off and shouts,

Captain Shanghai: “Just where do you think you two are headed?!”

Thinking quickly, Jamal replies,

Jamal: “Who?! Us?! Why we were just about to inspect the lifeboats to make sure they’re all in good working order.”

Captain Shanghai: “If there be any inspectin’ of the lifeboats I’ll be the one doin' it, ya swab!” [The captain roars back with such volume that his breath produces a gale]

Captain Shanghai pushes Jamal out of the way and climbs into the lifeboat.  

Captain Shanghai: “Now lower me down slowly.” [he says to Jamal and the cat]

But instead of slowly they let go of the ropes letting the boat hit the water with a great splash.

Captain Shanghai: “I said SLOWLY, ya bildrats!”

Down in the lifeboat, the captain quickly examines the boat and proclaims,

Captain Shanghai: “There ain't nothin' wrong with this boat!” [the captain speaks too soon however for immediately after water shoots up from out of a hole in the boat and it begins to sink] “Except that.”

Jamal and the cat look down at the captain from the railing. The cat turns to Jamal and displays the corkscrew he used to drill a hole in the bottom of the boat smiling with a devilish smirk. Sinking quickly, the captain yells up to them,

Captain Shanghai: “Get Me Outta Here!”

Jamal reaches into his pocket and pulls out a fishing rod. He casts the line down into the water and reels the captain up; after which he looks to the cat and says,

Jamal: “Better throw this one back. It’s too ugly.”

With that Jamal lets go of the rod and Captain Shanghai drops back down into the water with a SPLASH. Giggling impishly, Jamal and the cat dash away leaving only clouds of smoke behind them.
    Later, we tune back in to find Jamal painting something on the lens of a telescope. Just then however the captain can be heard storming over shouting just as Jamal sets the telescope down on a barrel of rum.

Captain Shanghai: “Ya Mutinous Guppies! I’ll gut ya both and use the rest of ya for shark bait!” [he says with his sword raised to strike]

But before the captain can swing a fatal blow, Jamal begins jumping up and down shouting,

Jamal: “Captain! Captain, Look! Off the starboard bow! A ship! A ship!”

The captain grabs the telescope from off the barrel and peers through it, and indeed he does see a ship (that Jamal had painted on the lens).

Captain Shanghai:
“A Ship! Quick, you swabs! Load that cannon and fire on my mark!”

The cat takes position behind of the cannon with the firing cord in hand while Jamal loads a cannonball into it and packs it down with the rammer. Very soon after Captain Shanghai gives the command to fire.

Captain Shanghai: “Fire!”

The cat fires the cannon and Jamal quickly reloads it.

Captain Shanghai: “Fire!”

Again the cat fires and Jamal reloads.

Captain Shanghai: “Fire!”

The cat fires the cannon but this time Jamal loads the cannon with the captain instead of a cannonball. Jamal then cries,

Jamal: “Fire!”

Immediately after which, the cat yanks on the firing cord. The captain shoots out of the cannon, steaks through the air and splashes down into the ocean. After a few moments the captain breaks the surface of the water angrily ranting,

Captain Shanghai: “When I get my hands on them I’ll feed 'em to the sharks!!”

It's right about then that Captain Shanghai realizes he is surrounded by sharks circling him like hungry vultures of the sea. The sharks leap out of the water and begin viciously munching and chomping him. Just then a tour boat floats by (the one Jamal was looking for), and a couple on-board the boat say to each other,

Lady: “Oh, Look, Honey! What a wonderful show!” [she exclaims as her husband snaps a picture]

Man: “It's just like that ride in the amusement park!”

    A while later, back aboard the ship, Captain Shanghai chases Jamal and the cat around the deck. Jamal and the cat begin running around the base of the mast with the captain breathing down their necks. Around and around they go; running faster and faster and faster until they’re nothing but a blur. Up high above, in the crow’s nest, Jamal and the cat appear looking down at the captain chasing his own tail. The cat reaches down and begins to lift up a big anvil. Jamal lends him a hand and together they heave the great big mass of metal out of the crow's nest. After which it plummets down and strikes the captain knocking him down into the lower deck of the ship. Back up in the crow's nest, Jamal and the cat cheerfully give each other high-fives.
    Down at the bottom deck, the captain squeezes out from under the anvil and starts hobbling for the stairs with his sword unsheathed mumbling,

Captain Shanghai: “They’ll both be walkin’ the plank for this!”

Suddenly, the captain stops upon seeing the sight of a large X drawn on the floor in front of his feet.

Captain Shanghai: “An X! An X always marks the spot for buried treasure.” [The captain says breaking the Fourth Wall]

The captain stands there greedily rubbing his hands together before a familiar voice says,

Jamal: “Here, Captain Crunchy! Use this!” [Jamal says handing him a pickax]

The captain snatches the pickax and starts to hack away at the floorboards without hesitation or thought.

Captain Shanghai: “Gold! Silver! I’m Gonna Be Rich!!”

But instead of gold and silver, a spout of water shoots up out of the hole and slams Captain Knucklehead against the ceiling. Jamal and the cat dash out onto the main deck. Jamal looks to the cat and says,

Jamal: “Last one to the lifeboats is… [they skid to a stop once they see a drenched Captain Shanghai standing in their way with murder in his eyes] ...dead meat.”

The captain raises his sword and swings down trying to chop them in two but Jamal and the cat jump out of the way and dart off leaving smoke trails behind them. The captain pulls his sword out of the deck and chases after. They all run around the deck several times before Jamal and the cat run off the side of the boat leading the enraged captain to run after them. However the captain soon discovers that Jamal and the cat didn't fall into the water but are instead hanging off the side of the ship from the railing. The captain then realizes he's standing suspended in midair  before gravity takes effect causing him to fall into the ocean below.
    Shortly after, the captain climbs back on to the ship only to hear a gentle voice call out,

Jamal: “Oh, Yoo-Hoo!”

Shanghai looks over to see two beautiful mermaids resting upon the railing of the port bow. The beautiful sight causes his eyes pop out of his head, and he quickly zooms over taking off his hat and smiling like a big dope.

Captain Shanghai: “Well, hello ladies! And what might two wonderful sirens of the sea be doing on a ship like this?”

The two mermaids (obviously Jamal and the cat in disguise) giggle like schoolgirls. The captain winks at them and says,

Captain Shanghai: “How’s about givin’ the captain a kiss?” [he says closing his eyes and puckering up]

Jamal reaches behind his back and pulls out a plunger which he uses to "kiss" the captain before the cat whips out a mallet and flattens the big dipstick down into his hat. The captain pops back up out of the hat, dances around the deck like an idiot, and cries,

Captain Shanghai: “WHOOO!”

The captain turns and launches himself at the two mermaids like a pouncing leopard, but Jamal and the cat leap out of their costumes leaving the captain to soar over the edge and back into the sea.
     Jamal and the cat laugh at the dummy until he climbs back up on deck madder than ever. Upon seeing him the two take off  running to the cabin door. Jamal flings open the door and he and the cat bolt inside slamming it shut behind them. Alas, Captain Stupid cannot put on the brakes fast enough and crashes into the door with a WHAM! Inside the captain's cabin, Jamal and the cat look around only to find that they’re trapped. The cat looks at Jamal crossly which prompts Jamal to say,

Jamal: “Okay, so it's not the best idea I ever had!”

Just then they turn to the sound of the door being kicked in. Captain Shanghai walks in and points his sword at them. The parrot also flies in and lands on the captain’s shoulder giving off another crazed laugh. The captain then says with a villainous grin,

Captain Shanghai:
“You’ll be walkin’ the plank. You and your little kitty-cat too!” [then he and his parrot laugh manically]

But alas it seems the captain made a big mistake, for being called a kitty-cat appears to have had a strange effect on the cat. The words echo in the feline's head, his eyes swirl around, and then the blood vessels in his eyes become visible. The cat's hair stands up on end and with a jungle cat roar he lunges at the captain who squeals,

Captain Shanghai: “What The Blue-Blisterin'…”

Before he can finish his exclamation, the cat is upon him; ripping and tearing him limb from limb. The parrot flies away from the fray and over to Jamal. The two look at each other and shrug. They watch in awe as the cat continues viciously maiming the captain until the scene fades to black.
    Several hours later, Jamal and the cat sit in beach chairs sunbathing on the deck sipping pina coladas. Both wear cool sunglasses to protect their eyes from the bright sun, and now Jamal is also wearing the captain’s hat. Jamal looks over at the cat and says,

Jamal: “I’m in the mood for a nice tropical vacation. How about you?”

The cat nods his head after which Jamal shouts up to the helm.

Jamal: “Mr. Squawk set a course for the Canary Islands!”

Upon hearing this, the cat greedily licks his chops at the thought of all the tender canary morsels.

Ma-Caw: “Aye-aye, Captain! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haw!!” [the parrot says giving a salute]

Jamal: “Oh, cabin boy! You missed a spot!” [Jamal says calling to Captain Shanghai; all bandaged and dressed in cabin boy clothes as he speedily swabs the deck]

Captain Shanghai: “Aye-aye, Mr. Captain, sir!”

Jamal: “Make sure you get every speck, and once you’re done with that my companion here would like a manicure. Afterwards you need to clean the cannons, wash the sails, shine my shoes, and don’t forget dinner at 7:00. Oh, and fetch us both a couple more pina coladas while you're at it. Come on! Put you're back into man! This ship ain't going to clean itself after all. Can't you do anything right?!” [Jamal's constant demands cause Shanghai to start whimpering]

The scene slowly starts to zoom out as Jamal continues talking and Shanghai starts whimpering as the ship sails over the waves until the cartoon finally ends with an iris out. 
Jamal and Whiskers get more than they bargained for when they board a galleon looking for some fun on the open ocean. Turns out the ship they've boarded is captained by the notorious Captain Shanghai, a pirate captain with not too much on the brain. How will Jamal and Whiskers get themselves out of this mess...you'll have to look and sea for yourself! =D

I shall begin making animatics and storyboards for this cartoon in the near future to begin production, and hopefully garner a little attention, support, and help to turn this story into a fully animated cartoon for people of all ages to enjoy. If there are any animators out there with a knack for classic Looney Tunes/Disney style animation who'd like to lend a hand, please send me a note, because I definitely need all the help I can get.

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pikachuslayer1's avatar
I'm so sorry, this expired and was not able to get into the group, :iconoriginal-stories: I'm very sorry, and have requested it goes into featured.